Dear Friend,

I guess I'll start by thanking you for everything. Those little acts of love you've shown, they'll never be forgotten. On your shoulders I've cried too many times about things only you could understand, and even if you don't you never failed to make me feel better. You treated me like a princess. You always wanted me safe. I don't know if you have a dictionary full of words of encouragement for me. You're one of the few people who actually believed in me and my talent.

It's been almost a year now. It's been almost a year of watching your pain, but I know I can do nothing about it. I can't force myself to keep away from you. Even if I know I'm only hurting you, I can't forget the fact that we're friends and you'll always have this special place in my heart.

I've seen you get hurt by knowing I've been with this guy and that in this place and that party. I've seen you keep everything to yourself but I know your pain. I've seen you try to distance yourself from me too, but I keep coming back to you and everything falls back again, right?

It's been almost a year now -- almost a year of you showing me how you care, me neglecting everything you've done, you trying to forget how many guys I've been with and me, continuing to increase that number.

I've taken you for granted and I'm sorry for that. Don't ever think I never appreciated you. I'm really sorry but I can only love you that much. I can only love you as a friend.

Luminesshence

My Biggest Regret

I never got to say how much I love him.

That time, I was thinking everything was just a game. Everything was just for fun. I thought, will saying 'I love you' to him become another mistake? Will it be another unmeant phrase?

Now, this has become my biggest regret.

What if I told him I love him? Maybe things might have gone better. Maybe not. I don't know, but this certainly keeps me awake every night.

What if I told him I love him? Then maybe I should have heard him saying he loves me too, in that sweet, soft voice of his. Or maybe he won't mean this at all, just like what he did when he said he's serious about me.

What if I told him I love him? Then maybe he should have run away. Or maybe when he runs away, he'll realize that he loves me too and comes back to me.

Now, here I am, suffering the consequences of unspoken words.

Luminesshence

I never learn

I never quite learn. Why do I always have to rush things meant to be taken slowly... Bit by tiny bit...

There are some things meant to be enjoyed. Some are not meant to last. And oftentimes, these are the things we enjoy the most. Sometimes, you have to learn how to give away everything and receive none in return although we will always long for even just a little reciprocation. Sometimes we may think we are the ones who loved more, but how sure are we of this? We might not know the bigger picture. Things are not that conclusive yet.

Sometimes, we become too full of regrets. They say one of the biggest mistakes you'll ever do in your life is never being able to tell someone how much you love them. Now I am suffering because we never spoke of love to each other, and we never will. Every time we were together, it was just pure "fun." I never thought of how strong my feelings were for him. I thought we were just enjoying every moment as it is. I never thought I'd learn how to love until I lost him.

What if it isn't love? What if I'm just still holding on to wasted feelings. Maybe I am just still holding on to what if's and could have been's.

There will always be regrets. But at least, I know that they are happy together and that at least, someone will always be there to understand him and be with him when he needs someone by his side. And after all, I've learned that love is not a sudden feeling. It is something you learn over time, and will remain with you until the end. To build a perfect relationship, we must build it upon solid friendship. And somehow, I know that there is someone out there, who is not just my other half, but my other whole.

After a series of what if's, we may think that life is a complicated matter. Every story has more than one side. But maybe, just maybe, life isn't that complicated after all. We're just making a big mess out of it.

Luminesshence

Dream

I can see myself sitting beside you

on a seashore, I am holding your hand.

And as calm waves rolled and gentle winds blew,

the sun sets and we sit still on the sand.

Every moment feels like eternity

Staring into your eyes makes my heart glad

From chains of love I will never break free

These words I must confess to a young lad.

Winds blew harder, sands were swept away

Castles built by the mind slowly collapsed

These are the dreams I am willing to pay

But these dreams I longed for will never last.

And if your heart seeks love from another,

I still want to see you in my slumber.

Luminesshence

Love and Perfection

Life without walls,

Life without boundaries,

A little too near,

A little too far.

Love without lies.

Love without doubt.

Love without love?

Such thing is never possible.

Tears without pain,

Laughter without joy.

Nothing ever seems

Genuine enough.

A perfect life

In a perfect world,

A perfect dream

Is all it can ever be.

My love for you

T'was never perfect.

But real is all it can be

From the very start.

It never fades,

It never dies.

Such perfection

Can never be more imperfect.

Luminesshence