'Cause I Can't Sleep

I think writing things down can help lessen the burden I am carrying...

I must admit, I miss the feeling of having someone asking me, "Hey, what's wrong?"

And when I say "Nothing," he won't force me to spit it out. He'd rather tell me, "Come here." And he'd hug me and let me hold on to him until I feel okay. He'd know when I need comfort and he knows he can give it to me. He'd know words aren't needed. He'd know all I need is a hug.

But I know I must let go of that feeling... Or not really the feeling. Just the memories we shared that ignite this feeling.

When am I going to find someone who could comfort me the way he did... or better? Or shall I just wait for the right man to come?

I must admit, there's a bolt going through my heart when I see you express your feelings for her. Feelings that should've been for me. It hurts to see you share moments with her. Moments that could've been ours.

But I know I must let go of the could-have-beens. And I know I must force myself to think something or someone better will come my way -- if this is the only way I can divert my attention from you.

When am I going to feel nothing at all when I see the two of you? Or is it just my pride that's hurt when I see you? Is it wrong to think my pride's hurt because you found someone "better" than me? Is it wrong to think my pride's hurt because I can't believe there is actually someone better for me? Or must I just satisfy myself with the thought that we aren't meant for each other... That we won't make a good couple.

Maybe I should just be satisfied with the thought that Pisces and Virgo isn't a match made in heaven. Just so I can let go and move on.

Luminesshence

How can I move on...

...if everytime I try to convince myself to do so, I only remember the good times we had?

How can I move on...

...if everytime I look into your eyes, the feelings I have kept for so long sets ablaze once again?

How can I move on...

...if everytime I dream, I see a flashback of what we had and a series of what if's?

How can I move on...

...if I see you in every corner of my life?

...

But then I realize, I need to move on. I need to break free...

...free from the chains of our past.

If we couldn't be together, maybe there's something better in store for us. Maybe this isn't just the plot planned by the Ultimate Author. Maybe it's just not meant to be.

I need to move on.

Tonight, I'll dream of you no more.

Luminesshence

Why Can't We Just Be?

It really hurts to know you like someone else.

But looking back at what we have shared, it feels like we just belong in each other's arms. It feels like we are two puzzle pieces that are exclusively fit for one another.

It hurts me to see you happy with her.

But if you're happy, I can just be happy too.

If friends are all we ever could be, then let it be.

But why can't we just be?

Luminesshence

Yes, It's Me Missing You

I miss the laughter.

I miss the talks.

I miss the movies.

I miss the breakfasts.

I miss the lunches.

I miss the dinners.

I miss the ice creams.

I miss the dumplings.

I miss the goofiness.

I miss the crazy stuff.

I miss the nights.

I miss the silence.

I miss the walks.

I miss the way you hold my hand.

I miss the comfort.

I miss the way I sleep on your chest.

I miss the way you talk.

I miss the way you sing to me.

I miss the hugs.

I miss the way you kiss me.

I miss you.

Period.

Luminesshence

My Perfect Guy

No word counts for now. :P

I once stated "There's no such thing as a perfect combination. Everything automatically becomes perfect with you." I know it sounds cheesy, but yeah, it's true.

Before I had a list of things to look for in guy. So, what do I want?

*responsible

*handsome

*tall

*has fair complexion

*smart

*intelligent

*caring

*thoughtful

*sweet :3

*understanding

*musically inclined

*animal lover

*mature and childish at the same time

*will never leave me alone

*will love my parents, and my dogs :)

Now? I don't care if what he's got is on the list or not. He's:

*smart

*intelligent

*childish

*mature

*childish = playful

*responsible

*lovable

*cute

*sweet :)

*co-music guild member

*and a lot of other things I won't dig deep into.

Funny. They say opposites attract. But us? We have a lot in common, and we rock. :) I can say that one of the things that make us jive is our maturity levels. When he becomes childish, I become mature, and vice versa. We love the same things. One of the few differences we have is our height. It matters a lot to me before, but now, I'm like "So what?"

All I care about is him and what we have now. :) I love him as he is. Maybe it's true that when you find the one you love, the list of standards will not matter anymore. He's an exception. He's the man I love. He's the man I want to spend my forever with. :)

Luminesshence

Miss Understanding

It’s over! Everything’s over!

He doesn’t deserve me. He just won’t give a damn! He’s too busy to care. He can’t even spend just one minute to send me a message… It’s over!

Wait.

1 message received. (4 hours ago)

Babe, I love you.

Oops. I overreacted. “Miss Understanding” misunderstood.

[word count: 50]

Luminesshence

Unreciprocated

I feel unappreciated. I feel worthless. I feel like you are drifting away.

You know I want to be with you every single moment. You know I care about you a lot. You know I just want to make you feel special.

You know everything, but you just won’t care.

[word count: 50]

Luminesshence

Confusion

Notes in hand, I close my eyes and imagine us.

I keep thinking of the words to tell you I am already falling in love with you, or if I should tell it at all. I'm afraid you won't feel the same way too. I'm afraid you've already lost what you've been feeling for me before. Should I set your small spark of a feeling ablaze?

Is it worth the risk? Is it worth my pride?

All I can do now is picture myself spending my lifetime with you. And I want to dwell with the idea that you might be thinking of the same thing too...

This fantasy has got to stop. I need to tell you.

Counting the days until I see you again, I have to clear up my mind and ask myself if what I'm feeling now is already enough to match the thing called love.

[word count: 150]

Luminesshence

Blur

I glimpse a sea of tail lights. Everything’s a blur, all I think about is you.

When will this road cease to stretch? When will the complications fade away?

Our favorite song’s playing on the radio. All I can wish for is to have you here beside me, right now. Everything we did together flashed like a movie.

I’m going to the place where I met you, hoping every feeling I have now will vanish. All I long for is to be in your arms again.

As I step down the car, I see a familiar shadow. I see you.

[word count: 100]

Luminesshence

What's Wrong?

These past few days, I've been waking up at 4pm.

What's wrong with me?

I keep telling myself, "Hey, learn to prioritize things." But I just don't know how.

I just can't find the driving force to keep my mind on my academics.

On "Getting Hurt"

One of my facebook stat says: masakit pala ang maipit sa pinto :S


comments:

my friend: malamang. haha.

me: ngayon ko lang naranasan eh. :D

my friend: common sense nalang un eh :) peace.

me: alam kong masakit. pero di ko akalaing ganito kasakit. parang pag-ibig yan. sa una, ang alam mo lang, masasaktan ka. pero pag ika'y umibig na, doon mo lang malalaman kung gaano talaga kasakit ang sugat na dulot nito. :D

dramatic me :))

Today...

Today is a TIRIIIING day. From 11:30 am - 2:30 pm, I wasn't walking to my next classes. I was RUNNING, gliding, always saying "Excuse me" and always trying to fit into small spaces in order to get to my next destination faster.

I left my Comm 3 class at 11:30 and I don't want to be late for my Philo class, so I ran. When I got up to the 3rd floor, I realized I didn't have my water bottle with me. (If I wasn't panting, I won't realize it's missing. I left it in our Math classroom, 7-8:30 class.) So, I was trying to call my friend, to ask him if he can get the bottle for me, but he wasn't answering his phone. So I told my teacher I was going to go back to my previous class to get something I left. She told me: "Go! RUN!". Okay. I went down to the first floor again, but he wasn't there anymore. I ran up to the 3rd floor again, and called up another friend of mine, hoping he was with the friend I mentioned earlier. He wasn't with him, but this second friend was in the Math building where I left my bottle! How LUCKY!

After my Philo class (1:00), I ran to the Math building. I asked the "Care Best" man about the Lost & Found corner. He asked me what I was looking for, and he told me that the man in charge of our classroom wasn't there yet. So, I waited. 20 minutes. There he was! He accompanied me to the "Lost & Found corner" and I GOT IT BACK! :)

Then, my friend (the very first one I mentioned) was worrying about something. He needs a full body picture, so I sort of "volunteered" to help. We met at 2:15 pm (great. 15 minutes before my next class.) and I helped him out. For 15 minutes, I became a "photographer". I arrived at 2:35 pm. Not too late, but I missed something. I didn't regret it though. I am glad to have helped him :)

There. A tiring but happy day :)

On Love and Confusion

Would you rather stay in a commitment with one person even if you don’t feel the same way he does for you? Or, would you break up, and get close to someone else even if there is only vagueness in the feelings you have for each other?

Would you rather be the one who loves or the one who will be loved?

Let us take these two options into consideration.

First, you stay in the commitment. There, you can feel security. You know that you are being loved. There, you are sure of what the other person is feeling. You know there is someone you can run to. The point is that person’s feelings for you are clear, and you know that you are loved.

Second, you break up and get closer to someone else. Wake up! You don’t feel happy in that relationship anymore. You two can be friends, and if you break up, at least he’ll know the truth. It would be too hard on him if you continually lie about “loving” him. I guess the other person is already your friend, and you feel really comfortable with him. You act sweet to him and he’s also sweet to you. BUT, there is no clarity between you and that other person. You really don’t know what he is truly feeling. Well, at least you’re happier with that person. Wouldn’t it be easier to build a relationship with someone you’re comfortable doing anything with than with someone whom you can label but you don’t really have feelings for?

It’s not really about the ease or comfort of DOING things. It’s about the ease and comfort of BEING with a person. It is also about what you truly feel. There’s no use in lying to yourself. It will just hurt you and the people who really love you (well, not necessarily romantically).

You can choose, and make sure that choice of yours is something your heart and mind has finally decided upon.

On Trust and Anger

In an instant, a decision was made. It was a hasty one though.



At first, it all went well. I was “happy” then. I thought I could control my feelings just so I won’t hurt someone else. And, I thought I have learned how to do it, but I was wrong.



Soon, I can’t even tolerate that person’s behavior. Seeing that person became so annoying. It’s as if every move, every word that comes out from the mouth, every gesture, gets through my nerves. Again, I become really annoyed. So I decided to end everything that is going on between us.



I thought, after that, we could be friends. But again, I was wrong. There was never a day that we didn’t speak to each other frankly. Whenever I would say anything, that person would just reply with an even angrier tone. And I would reply with an angrier tone… And the fight will go on.



Sometimes, I just want to slap that person in the face and tell that person that I am feeling really violated by the way that person speaks at me, but I simply can’t. I know I am doing the same thing to that person. And a fight will soon rise again.



Our world is a silly place. The person you might just think could be your best friend turns out to be one of your enemies. As we grow older, we realize that it also becomes harder for us to trust everything to someone because any person whom we think can be our pal can just turn his/her back on us and spill our secrets. It’s harder to fight with someone who knows your weakness. But I’m glad that sometimes, I just can’t really show my true self to someone. Probably my mind knows whom to trust, even if my heart sometimes contradicts it.