My Biggest Regret

I never got to say how much I love him.

That time, I was thinking everything was just a game. Everything was just for fun. I thought, will saying 'I love you' to him become another mistake? Will it be another unmeant phrase?

Now, this has become my biggest regret.

What if I told him I love him? Maybe things might have gone better. Maybe not. I don't know, but this certainly keeps me awake every night.

What if I told him I love him? Then maybe I should have heard him saying he loves me too, in that sweet, soft voice of his. Or maybe he won't mean this at all, just like what he did when he said he's serious about me.

What if I told him I love him? Then maybe he should have run away. Or maybe when he runs away, he'll realize that he loves me too and comes back to me.

Now, here I am, suffering the consequences of unspoken words.

Luminesshence

I never learn

I never quite learn. Why do I always have to rush things meant to be taken slowly... Bit by tiny bit...

There are some things meant to be enjoyed. Some are not meant to last. And oftentimes, these are the things we enjoy the most. Sometimes, you have to learn how to give away everything and receive none in return although we will always long for even just a little reciprocation. Sometimes we may think we are the ones who loved more, but how sure are we of this? We might not know the bigger picture. Things are not that conclusive yet.

Sometimes, we become too full of regrets. They say one of the biggest mistakes you'll ever do in your life is never being able to tell someone how much you love them. Now I am suffering because we never spoke of love to each other, and we never will. Every time we were together, it was just pure "fun." I never thought of how strong my feelings were for him. I thought we were just enjoying every moment as it is. I never thought I'd learn how to love until I lost him.

What if it isn't love? What if I'm just still holding on to wasted feelings. Maybe I am just still holding on to what if's and could have been's.

There will always be regrets. But at least, I know that they are happy together and that at least, someone will always be there to understand him and be with him when he needs someone by his side. And after all, I've learned that love is not a sudden feeling. It is something you learn over time, and will remain with you until the end. To build a perfect relationship, we must build it upon solid friendship. And somehow, I know that there is someone out there, who is not just my other half, but my other whole.

After a series of what if's, we may think that life is a complicated matter. Every story has more than one side. But maybe, just maybe, life isn't that complicated after all. We're just making a big mess out of it.

Luminesshence